The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize