I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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