2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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