pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
