and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
