the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
