Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
