i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She even gives head with a lisp.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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