We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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