i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
