I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
