My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
