If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
