you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
