i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
