She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
