I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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