so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
