my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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