looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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