Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
