I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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