Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
