your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
