so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize