I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
