The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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