batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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