I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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