Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
