The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Actions speak louder than pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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