Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
