she takes plan B like it's going out of style
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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