If i come over, it means nothing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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