i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
