Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
