After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
