my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
