I'm lost and stupid without you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
