I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
