...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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