with your own penis?
accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
