Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
