T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
