I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
