that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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