I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize