Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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