What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
