Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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