He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
