Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
