life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
