you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
