I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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