Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
