By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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