i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
