You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
