There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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