My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
