Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
