Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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