Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
