If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
