my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
