i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
