So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
